Written by: Steve Griffiths
Directed by: Justin Hardy
Produced by: Jamie Nuttgens 

No, it wasn't Burnside speaking, but it is very Burnside sentiment – even if he isn't doing too well on the not-losing front at the moment.  It was said by Donna - and who she is we'll get to in due time.

This is the start of the last two-part story arc in the Burnside series and features a new writer and director.  The director of the previous four episodes, Jamie Nuttgens, has moved over to producer.  The first two episodes centred mainly on Burnside.  The second two focussed all too much on Sam Philips – in and out of her clothing.  Now it would appear that these last two might provide Dave with an opportunity to do more than stand around looking like an object lesson in how not to do characterisation.  Sam, in fact, has little to do but pout and look sulky because she isn't getting enough attention.

The plot, so far, appears to bear a strong resemblance to several we've had on The Bill in recent times – young up-and-coming crime boss (who appears to have the personality, brains and social skills of a shell-suited, lager-sucking yob found yoiking around on a street corner any Saturday after the footy) wishes to take over the world.  We have the obligatory nasty foreign gang who are always bigger, tougher, richer and cleverer than us – it's a bit like when England play cricket, really.  Usually they are Turkish but in this case the British gang have already made, in their words, kebabs out of the Turkish opposition by shooting them then setting fire to the car they're in so we have to settle for some German lawyers who are representing the – drum roll – Russian Mafia.

The episode starts with Dale Vickers arriving back from a trip over to Europe – where he has met with the German lawyers to discuss laundering money for the Russian Mafia.  We cut between him and his two sidekicks first celebrating and then going off and killing the opposition – two Turkish brothers – and Burnside having a few bevies with his favourite snout, Tony Shotton.  Burnside is busy reassuring Tony that it is in the bag; Vickers will get sent to prison and the snout's name will never be mentioned.  Talk about time to pack your bags and leave the country!!  Of course, once we get to the court the snout is indeed exposed.  First comes the defence's application to have him named, which is fairly predictably kyboshed by the judge - but not before Burnside had a chance to be noble and say that he'd drop the case rather than risk his snout and his family.  Then, in court, and after Burnside has nearly popped a blood vessel glaring at Ronnie Buchan who came and sat in the public gallery, Tony Shotton is exposed as a snout by a very neat trick of asking Burnside if he knows various people.  After hesitating Burnside tells the judge he can't really answer that question but, of course, he may just as well have stood up and said "Yes – he's my prize snout."  I'd very much like to know if this is a trick that has ever been used in court – or would a real judge not allow the line of questioning?

While Burnside has been in court Sam and Dave have been investigating the murder of the two Turks – which seems a little odd in the NCS.  They have identified the victims but don't know who would be game to take these sorts of criminals on.  Luckily, when Frank goes to tell Tony Shotton that he's been exposed Tony has already heard who did them in – Dale Vickers.  

Despite Frank's promise to keep Tony safe there is nowhere appropriate – at least immediately – where he can be housed and Lee refuses to grant him an armed guard.  For a while he is put where super-grasses are kept while waiting to testify but there is no accommodation for his wife and child.  In desperation Frank goes to Dave's father, Jim – an old acquaintance of his, as you may remember – and asks to use his holiday bungalow.  Cue "This is a bad idea, guys" music.

After some surveillance we decide that Vickers' business manager – George Maitland – is the weakest link.  Despite our best efforts at using exceedingly nasty threats to get him to co-operate (vintage Frank Burnside technique with a technological twist) we can't get him to agree to wear a wire.  The next option is to get an officer in undercover - Superintendent Lee suggests Dave Summers, as apparently he has a law degree, with a specialisation in asset chasing.  Maitland is coerced into taking tablets that will enable him to effectively fake a heart attack.  Once he is convincingly incapacitated he suggests his old acquaintance, Dave, as a substitute.

It is at Dave's first meeting with Vickers that Donna appears.  She comes on heavily to Vickers and succeeds in capturing his fancy and thus gets a foot in as well as a leg-over.  At the second meeting Vickers has an epileptic fit just before they are due to go in and meet the German lawyers.  Dave takes care of him and behaves as though this isn't any big deal and therefore earns Vickers' trust.  The meeting is a success so Vickers moves on to stage two of his plan – attempting to become the godfather of British crime by calling all the crime bosses to share in the money-laundering scheme.  As Burnside and Sam watch the cream of British scum arrive at Heathrow for this meeting – with Sam doing an amusing arrival-at-the-Oscars type commentary - Ronnie Buchan arrives.  It is revealed at the meeting that he is Dale Vickers' godfather.  He does a good Euro-sceptic speech about the folly of letting those foreigners invest in our crime scene and walks out with his supporters – much to Burnside's annoyance.  One of Burnside's Trev-like subordinates – DC Moss – suggests that perhaps Buchan has turned over a new leaf.  Burnside gives him a look of pained disbelief.
 
"Sometimes, Moss, I wonder if you could detect a turd in a fruit salad."

After a successful meeting Vickers tells Dave to take Donna out and get her a nice dinner while he's busy.  However they never really get out of the hotel room – first Donna gives him her life philosophy (no-one pays any attention to a beautiful woman as a person) then proposes they should work together to take over Vickers' operations and finally performs oral sex on him.  Personally, I feel that two out of three main characters being sexually assaulted in a six part series is just over-the-top and does nothing but turn this viewer off.

They cut back and forth to this hotel room sequence as we also watch Tony Shotton prepare to die.  He was located a little earlier in the episode by one of Vickers' people using the age old collecting for charity lurk (always worked for Miss Marple, I suppose) but now Tony realises someone is stalking him.  He won't go back to the bungalow in case he leads whoever it is straight to Angie, his wife, and Craig, his teenage son.  Instead he calls Burnside and waits on the riverbank for him.  A shadowy figure walks towards him, swathed in a long black coat – is it Burnside?  (Well, obviously not – Frank Burnside does not have ears that stick out like Toby jug handles!)  The figure – one of Vickers' sidekicks – shoots him and then vanishes before Burnside arrives.  Burnside holds Tony as he bubbles out blood and gasps out last words.  Burnside, more hawk-faced than ever, snarls at him,

"Don't you die on me, you bastard!"

Unfortunately, there are some things that determination and bloody mindedness can't do – and the show ends with Burnside looking away from the body of yet another dead friend.

DCI Burnside – Chris Ellison
DC Sam Philips – Zoe Eeles
DS Dave Summers – Justin Pierre
Supt Brian Lee – Andrew Readman
Tony Shotton – Shane Ritchie
Jim Summers – Tony Selby
Ronnie Buchan – Paul Nicholas
DC Chris Gibson – Paul Gilmore
DC Pete Moss – John White
Dale Vickers – Cristian Solimeno
Stu – Ricky Groves
Jules – Andrew French
Donna – Sharlene Whyte
Kurt – Carsten Voight
Heinrich – Reinhard Michaels
Slick – Huss Garbiya
George Maitland – Glyn Grain
Angie Shotton – Virginia Fiol
Craig Shotton – TJ Sorrell
Defence Counsel – Howard Ward
Prosecuting Counsel – Martine Brown
Charity Worker – Jo Rideout
James Kirby – DC Allen
Judge – Shaughan Seymour 

© Avon 2001

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